


Countdown

by akmmka



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:47:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 12,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21630106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akmmka/pseuds/akmmka
Summary: When Robert is sent to prison, Aaron isn't coping. Then someone turns up...
Relationships: NO TAGS!!!!
Comments: 28
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

Aaron hired Felix seven years after Robert got sent away. He was younger than Aaron, skinny but hard-working, happy all the time and easy to be around. Aaron liked him, he was like a happy pill, he had this contagious happy aura around him. All of the villagers liked him too. He would equally happy be playing for the pub’s soccer team as be singing in Harriet’s choir. If he was needed, he was there.

Aaron would have to admit that his life had gotten better since Felix came around. Aaron had a friend again after losing first Jackson and then both Adam and Robert. He talked to the other lads in the village of course but Felix was a close friend. A friend he could talk to about losing Robert, about counselling, about his worries about Robert in prison, about not being a good enough dad to Seb and so on. A “close” friend Aaron laughed to himself, as Felix lived in the upstairs apartment in the house.

Liv was visiting and had decided to invite some friends over so Aaron hadn't had much choice but to leave. Felix had come to his rescue and invited him upstairs.

“I've got beers,” he said as soon as Felix opened the door.

“Great cause I don't!”

Probably since he never drank and the reason why Aaron had brought is own. Aaron looked around the apartment, there was a huge amount of plants, a lot of floor space and a lot of books.

“Not what you expected?”

“I don´t know what I expected but not this! What is it with all the plants?”

“Good for the air isn´t it?” Felix answered and took a deep breath laughing.

“Right. This one is huge!” Aaron said, looking at a plant taller than himself.

“It´s a Monstera.”

“Right”

“Well, sit down and I´ll get the food ready.”

The sofa was comfortable and Aaron took another good look around. No TV?

“No TV?”

“No TV!” Felix shouted back.

“So, I guess you read then!” Aaron said standing up and taking a look at the shelves that covered the wall. It looked like a build-in but it had definitely not been there before. His eyes flew over the books, somehow, he wasn't surprised to see books about hiking, yoga, clean eating, biographies and so on. Until wait, what? Aaron reached out his hand and grabbed a book. Then another and another and another. He felt kind of stupid when Felix turned up around the corner and he stood there balancing seven books. Felix raised his eyebrows and looked at him.

“Want to borrow a book?”

“No, no.” Aaron stuttered trying put the books back at the same time as he was trying to come up with an excuse as to why he had grabbed Felix books.

“Let me help you there.” Felix grabbed the books and put them neatly back on the shelf. His finger followed the row of books until he chose one, opened it and showed Aaron the front page. “Look, it is signed by the author. They are the reason I came here, maybe you will like them? A lot of gay sex.” Aaron could feel himself tense up. “Sorry! Sorry! That was presumptuous of me!” Felix put the book back. “Let’s eat, ok? I´m sorry I don´t know why I said that.”

“It's fine, I do like gay sex.” He winked at Felix who smiled.

“Still I'm sorry.”

The food was great of course, cause pretty much everything about Felix was great.

“So, do you like to read?” Felix asked when they sat down on the sofa having dessert.

“I guess, I don't dislike it. But I don´t do it much. Robert read a lot, I read the paper and mags and so on, I read to much paperwork!”

“It is true you know, I only applied for the job because of the books.”

Aaron didn't like where this was going, he had to remind himself to breathe and relax his shoulders. He put the plate down so his shaking hands wouldn't be too obvious. Who was Felix and what did he want? How much did he know?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

_Of course, he wasn't coping, no one had expected that and definitively not himself. So every week he took the car to Hotten and went to counselling. After two years it was a part of his life like going to work, doing dishes or reading bedtime stories to Seb. The waiting room was as always, empty when he came and he sat down in his usual spot looking around. No nothing had changed since the last time, or the time before that or the time before that. He scanned the room, his eyes going over the paintings, the flowers, the magazine rack, you could think they would be able to update the magazines more often given to what they charged he thought, the closed door, the chair to his right, a book, the table with a cloth on, wait, a book? That was something new, he looked at the book, it was a paperback, white with a woman in a distant, some swirly letters, oh a woman’s book. He knew what kind of book it was now, one of those lovie dovey once that Charity read. Not that she would admit to it but there had been no secrets when they were forced to live that close to each other. He did not read that kind of books and was not interested in that kind of books. Just to make it obvious that it was the case he looked at the wall until the door opening made him jump._

_Standing in the room again after his appointment he waited until the door closed, grabbed the book and power walked out of there. Back in the car, he threw the book in the backseat wondering what was going on. Why did he take the book? Or did he steal it? It wasn't his to take from the start. He had no interest in reading it but he was not going back, that was for sure. Since he couldn't leave the book in the car for anyone to see he hid it in the bedroom. No one came in there but Seb and he wouldn't understand what it about anyway. Going back to counselling a week later got him in a right state. He tried to act as normal but the thought about being confronted about the book and why he took it got him all tensed up and the counsellor asked him about it as soon as they started talking. Aaron made up a story about how a man looking like Robert had walked past him in the street on his way to the appointment. A story he wasn't too happy about when it was brought up time after time for month to come._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

Back at work, Aaron tried to act as normal to make Felix forget about his strange behaviour. The thing about trying to act normal is that when you try you don't and Felix being Felix confronted him even before lunchtime. 

“Can I talk to you?” Aaron looked up at Felix who somehow had entered the portacabin without Aaron even noticing. 

“Sure, something wrong?” 

“Yes,” he looked at Aaron and then looked down again. “I'm sorry for being insensitive and I’m sorry for being prejudice. What I said, presuming you would like a book with gay sex just cause you are gay, it was so wrong. And I know that and it won’t happen again. “

“Don't beat yourself up about it, it was a joke, don't worry, it's not like you hurt my feelings or something.” Aaron tried to play it off. 

“But I saw that you weren't fine about what I said. You might act strangely from time to time but this was strange even for you.” 

“Well, don´t try to sugarcoat it,” Aaron said with a hint of sarcasm. “Sit down Felix.” Aaron waited for Felix to sit down before he continued. “Listen, don't worry about it. I know I acted strangely but it had nothing to do with you. It was just an old memory popping back up. We are fine.” 

Felix didn’t look persuaded but smiled at him and went back to work. Aaron, on the other hand, had a hard time focusing on his paperwork, his mind running crazy about who Felix was. Did he really have those books by coincident and showing him that particular book was kind of suspicious wasn’t it? 

He had worked at the scrapyard by himself for while especially in the beginning when he didn’t want people around him. Now and then he took in some extra hands from the village who helped him out when the workload got too much to handle. But eventually, he had to give in and admit to himself that his business actually was doing great and he had no way of handling everything by himself. You would think it would be easy to find labour but it turned out to be a struggle. Not that many people wanted to work in Emmerdale or they thought his yard was simple, expecting more than simple hand tools and an old truck. Also, people didn’t seem to be wanting to work, talking about how they needed to adapt the working hours for their private lives. So then one late night when he got an email asking if the job was still available, he gave this unknown man the job, tired of all the hassle. Two weeks later Felix turned up with nothing more than could fit into his car. He didn’t think of it much back then but now he went on high alert. Who had that little stuff? Had he been living on the streets? Was he just out of prison? Back from the army? He regretted now not asking any questions. 

Felix doesn’t have FB. He is not a YouTuber, don´t like to Instagram his life, Aaron even tries to be sneaky, trying different hashtags Felix might have used. No luck. After an hour his not any wiser and decides to go for lunch instead.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

_Aaron had a bad day or rather days, not leaving the bed. He was hiding under the covers with the blinds down. Today was a little bit better and even then, he didn’t have the strength to get out of bed. He was bored and hungry. He opened the drawer to find something eatable and found the book. Being bored enough he opened it up and saw that someone had written something in it:_

_Pass it on!_

_'One must always be careful of books,' said Tessa,_

_'and what is inside them, for words have the power_

_to change us._

_Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel_

_Aaron mumbled to himself, he did not expect this book to change is life. An hour later he is sure, the book is kind of rubbish. That is not how life is, not even close. So, for real some woman would raise her dead sisters’ kid and of course, they would have no money and then the father would show up. A father that had not been heard of for four years and he would force them to come live with him since he is rich and powerful and then they would fall in love and end up with perfect lives together. Aaron let out a small laugh. He throws the book across the room with no attention of passing it on._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

The whole uncertainty about Felix made Aaron feel anxious and on edge. He felt how he was irritable to his family and friends and snappy when they asked what was wrong. Felix was wary around him, probably still thinking it was his fault. He had had enough he decided, he had to stop being such a coward! Before he could change his mind he walked over to the shop and bought some food. On his way back he texted Felix to ask him to come over. While cooking he thought of what questions to ask. When there was a knock at the door he had talked himself into that this was possible. He could do this! 

In the middle of the dinner, he just throws it out there. 

“Why did you apply for the job?”

“I told you. It was the books.” He looks surprised as if Aaron should know this. 

“What about the books?” 

“It is kind of a long story and it is not that interesting.” Was Felix avoiding to tell him? Did he know more than he let on? Aaron gave the whole thing another shot. 

“Probably more interesting than anything I have to tell.” Aaron knew he was fishing for answres and that it was kind of obvious too. 

“Fine. You know I used to live in London, right?” Felix waited for him to nod his head. “I had some friends there who are gay and they talked about this author who had written a feelgood book about a gay couple. I figured that I should support that so I bought the first and the second book. I just loved them, the small village, how everyone comes together when someone is in need, the nature, the feeling of being loved. It was as far away from the life I lived and at the same time the life I wanted. I didn’t know that it was what I wanted at first. But those books came back to me, I read them over and over again and I started to see myself there in the village with those people. I could see myself playing football for the pub, singing carols at Christmas.” He stopped, taking a sip of water. “It was like an awakening.” 

“So you just left?” 

“No, it wasn’t that simple. I was unhappy, really unhappy, I didn’t think I had anything to be unhappy about thou. I had a good job, nice car, huge flat, nice clothes, I travelled abroad several times a year, friends, family even a girlfriend.” 

“A girlfriend?” That was news to Aaron. He hadn’t given any thought to Felix relationships. He had never mentioned anyone, either a woman or a man and now he was told there once was a girlfriend. Or still was? He left plenty enough to be able to keep up a long-distance relationship. 

“Looking back, I wouldn’t call her a girlfriend. It was more like, I wouldn’t say just friends, we were like a couple, and our friends saw us as a couple but we were never like intimate. I don’t know maybe she was with me for the money? It was easy and it was company. I never asked and she never said, we just didn’t talk about it.” 

“So how did you end up here?” By now Aaron was even more curious. Had he left just because of a book? Who in their right mind did something like that? 

“One night, I came back to my place and we had been out all night. Eating, dancing, drinking and I was so unhappy. I had just left my friends and still, I felt like I was all alone in the world. That is not right, is it? I was like really unhappy and I knew that I needed something good so I googled Yorkshire and watched all these beautiful pictures. I found a site where someone had put up pictures from Emmerdale and it felt just like home so I googled Emmerdale and found out that you were looking for someone to employ. Right there and then I sent in my application. I knew I would never do it if I decided to wait for the morning cause who in their right mind would do something like that?" Felix looked at Aaron and Aaron had to hide his giggle behind a cough. "And the next morning there was your answer. I’m lucky you decided you could wait for me.” Felix smiled. “I love it here!” 

“I’m lucky you decided to answer.” 

“You know, this is the best decision I have ever made! Me in London was like I were an actor. Living in my huge apartment, driving an expensive car and buying clothes I didn’t even like. I sold everything you know. It didn’t spark joy; I didn’t need it. I sold my apartment and my car. Sold my furniture and my clothes. I kept most of my books. Some small stuff. Some stuff from the kitchen but the kitchen aid had to go. I sold or got rid of everything else. I bought a new car and didn’t keep more stuff than I could put in my new car." 

“You had a kitchen aid?” 

“I never used it. It looked good at the counter thou." Felix smiled. "I never hear from my friends from back then. They don’t want to come here and I don’t want to go back to London. As soon as I stepped foot in Emmerdale it felt like I had been here before, lived here before, I could turn around a corner knowing what to find, do you believe in déjà vu?”

“No, not really no.” Aaron had no choice but to keep a straight face. So he just smiled at Felix, waiting for him to continue. 

“And then I met you and I felt like I had known you forever!" Felix gives him a bright smile. "But we don’t have much in common, do we? Like nothing at all. We are totally different but we get along don’t we?”

“We do. I was kind of not looking forward to having anyone come and work with me. Gossip travels fast here. No one wanted to work with the mentally ill gay whose husband is in jail.” He looked away, he knew he was the talk of the village. 

“You are a much better person than you give your self credit for Aaron.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

_Aaron knew that he wasn’t that mentally stable. He had tried to kill himself, he had a lot of scars from his self-harm, he had tried to punish himself with running and the list went on. So yes, he was very well aware that he had problems. He didn’t worry about it thou, his family kept an eye on him, he had his counsellor and he wasn’t about to try to kill himself again but now things had gotten out of hand. It had all started with that book._

_Somehow, he had gotten in his head that he could do better so he started to imagine him and Robert in a book. He invented a place where they lived, jobs, family, a sex life, a very livid sex life thank you very much. He invented stories about what they did, what they talked about, birthdays, Christmases and so on. Until one day he got uncertain about if his memory of Robert was a true one or one he made up. This really scared him. Maybe he was like really crazy, like having to be locked up crazy? Then what would happen to Seb? Could he even be around Seb if he was crazy? Was he a danger to Seb and his family?_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

Felix had been standing under the trees for 20 minutes observing Aaron at the bridge. Watched his hand moving up and down over his arm, realising that even after knowing Aaron for this long he had never seen him in short sleeves. There probably was a story to that too as to many other things in Aarons behaviour. 

“Not a good day?” 

He had apparently startled Aaron who jumped, immediately starting to pull the sleeves down. He was fast but not fast enough. Felix had gotten a look of the scars covering his arms. He wouldn’t say he was surprised.

He put his hand at Aarons stopping him, removed his hand gently and pulled the sleeve up again. “Let's go for a walk.” He didn’t stop to see if Aaron came with him, he walked down the trail not turning until he saw the big rock. Turning around he saw Aaron behind him, still with his sleeves up but with a wary look. “Let me show you something, but we have to be quiet.” 

Aaron stood still, he heard the birds, the wind in the leaves but couldn’t figure out what Felix was saying. When he didn’t move Felix took a step closer and grabbed his hand. He put his finger over his mouth to show him to be quiet and dragged him with him into the forest. Aaron couldn’t remember the last time someone held his hand, not counting the kids or just regular handshakes. He looked down at their joined hands nearly tripping as he did. “Careful” he heard Felix whisper holding his hand a little tighter as they moved on. He could feel himself being dragged down to the ground and mimicked Felix standing on his knees behind some bushes. When Felix let go of his hand it felt empty and cold and Aaron twisted his hands together trying to not let go of the feeling. Felix moved his hand in front of his eyes to get his attention, showing him to watch and again showing him to be quiet. A hand on his shoulder telling him to relax and he understood that they were supposed to wait for something. They sat there quiet for 20 minutes before he understood way. There in the sun, a fox appeared in front of him. Standing still, and then suddenly several cubs appeared, tripping over each other and playing in the grass. When they left Felix spoke. 

“Sam showed me. He really loves the forest, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah, I guess he does.” 

“Forest bathing is supposed to be good for you. Lower your stress level.” 

“Forest bathing?”

“Like nature heals you.” 

“Sounds like flower power to me.” 

“Well, it can’t hurt. Want to grab some coffee?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

_Aaron was nervous and afraid when he sat down opposite to his counsellor._

_“How have you been?”_

_“Afraid” he looked down, he wasn’t supposed to say that. He had like a speech figured out, he had played it over and over again in his head but still, he just blurts out ‘afraid’._

_“How come?” his counsellor looks concerned. When Aaron doesn’t answer he put his notebook down and leans forward. “Aaron are you afraid of your own safety?” “_

_No!” then he turns quiet again “I mean.” he looks down. How will he explain what is going on? Everything he planned to say sounds wrong now and he is getting a little worried about actually getting looked up. He looks up. “I am not going to top myself.” His counsellor moves his hands to encourage him to continue. “I’m afraid I’m going crazy.” Aaron sighs “Sometimes I’m not sure if I remember something for reel or if I have made it up.” “_

_What kind of things?”_

_“My memories of Robert.”_

_“How long has this been going on? How long have you felt like this?”_

_“_ _A few months, not that long, I just, am I going crazy? I can’t be crazy around Seb if I am, I can’t put him in danger! I would never forgive myself if anything happened to him!” Aaron felt himself getting upset, his breathing intensified and his hands turned into hard fists and he could feel his nails against his palm. It was starting to hurt now. He could hear a distant voice but he had no way of hearing what it said since there was a humming noise in his head. He felt a hand on his shoulder and there was that voice again. “What brought this on?” “It was the book,” he answered loud and clear. “It was the book.”_

_It wasn’t until a few days later that he realised that his counsellor had been talking to himself and not expected an answer. That realisation embarrassed him but he had already started to write down his false memories and since it made him feel better he just ignored that feeling and continued writing._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

Aaron stopped at the open door. Felix was doing yoga, at least he thought it was yoga. Felix had his back to the door. Just in shorts mowing his body slowly and in ways that looked impossible. His muscles moving, his body covered in sweat standing in the light in front of the window.

Aaron felt how he hardened in his trousers. He moved his hand down putting pressure to it, the reaction was instant. He turned around quietly going back to his apartment feeling an apparent pressure the whole time. Back in his bedroom he removed his pants and his underwear and wrapped his hand around his hard penis for the first time in a long time.

Being on anti-depressant had a few side effects, not feeling up for sex was one of them, getting to this was rare. His mind went back to what was going on in the other apartment, Felix slow-moving and then suddenly Felix hands all over Aarons body, touching his neck, moving his hands down to his lower back pulling the two of them against each other, their hardness rubbing against each other, his mouth hovering over Aarons, lips touching but still no kissing. Aaron moved his hand faster and harder, his other hand moving over his abdomen putting pressure down at his groin, trying to make it feel like it was Felix body doing the pressure. He heard himself starting to pant and moan, the precum making his hand move faster and make a sloppy noise. He was so close now, his toes curled and his back left the bed. He could feel himself balancing at his shoulders before he came all over his hand and sweater. He was breathing hard when he stroked his hand over the sweater. Pushing away all thoughts of Robert he put his sweater in the hamper and took a quick shower.

He texts Felix to meet at the pub instead. He doesn’t want to end up looking at a nearly naked Felix again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

_After a while, he continued to do the writing on his computer. There was the apparent risk of that notebook getting into the wrong hands. Things had turned kind of heated in his false memories and he would be beyond embarrassed if anyone found out. Also, he found out that the computer made it so much easier to change stuff, delete and move parts around. The notebook had turned into a mess with his bad handwriting together with all the changes he made._

_Then he found out that the memories came in the wrong order so he had to change that and then he found out that he had contradicted himself so he had to change that. Then he found out that it was really difficult for him to find his favourite parts so he had to turn all the writing into chapters and name each chapter. Since he made up more memories and couldn’t find a way to put them in the writing cause it all turned out wrong and didn’t fit anywhere, he opened a new document to continue writing and then he had to name both documents to tell them apart._

_Then one day at the scrapyard he figured out that he would give his first story, currently named one, the name ‘You know’. That was also the day he figured out that he had written a book._


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

Aaron was hunted. He could not get rid of the memory of Felix doing yoga. It hunted him day and night, he could sit at the pub getting flashed all over just remembering that day. Not to mention the other stuff, what he had done, he got embarrassed just thinking of it. Felix was his friend. Also, there was the issue with Robert. Had he been cheating at Robert? He knew that people noticed cause they became very wary around him and the conversations stopped more than once as he opened the door to the backroom. 

Of course, Felix noticed too. Even when Aaron tried he couldn't hide that something was wrong. He tried to avoid Felix in situations like movies when it was just the two of them or just the two of them having dinner at the pub. When Felix asked for them to do something together he asked someone else to accompany them. Just the two of them was just to cosy and date – like. He was kind of afraid that he would somehow let on about his feelings or rather thoughts. To feel like that about a friend, been there done that, Adam had been amazing about it in the end but before that, that was not something he wanted to revisit. 

So he did what he did best in times like this, he started to write a new book. Writing would calm his thoughts and get him a way of working through them. 

Writing a book takes a lot of time, the thing was, before no one was around to notice. But now it became even more apparent that Aaron avoided Felix. He would also start keeping the door locked so Felix couldn't let himself in like before and surprise him when he was writing. Felix would be very patient about it, like knocking and then waiting for Aaron to open the door or invite people over so they turned out to be a group instead of just the two of them. In the weekends he left for god knows where and came back with a smile on his face. Of course, that would make Aaron wonder if he had met someone. 

Once finished with the book his mind was back to normal and his thoughts had calmed down and things just went back to the way it was before. Then one day Felix corned him at work, looking very serious when he simply said. "I don't know what was wrong but please never leave me like that again." 

"I have been here all along, you were the one who left!" he was not supposed to say that, not supposed to let Felix know that he had noticed. Cause it shouldn't matter what Felix did. He had his own life and Aaron had his. 

"I know I did, cause you so obviously didn't want me here. But I couldn't leave, I tried, but my place is here, in Emmerdale, with you. Whether you like it or not."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

_He did it just to get them off his back. They kind of ganged up on him and made Matty’s birthday an excuse to get him clubbing. Since Matty had been working with him for a while and also turned out to be a really good friend he had no excuse but to come. But Aaron wasn’t stupid, he knew that it wasn’t for Matty’s benefits they only went to the gay clubs. So, in the end, he figured 'what the hell' and drank way to many beers and started talking to a man with similar apparence to Robert. He left without saying anything to his friends, he was aware of how stupid that was but he also knew that if he went back to say goodbye, he would lose his courage._

_The man lived close by, so close that they could walk and so close that Aaron didn’t have time to change his mind. Once they got inside the man got right to it. Aaron still didn’t know his name, it had been too loud at the club for him to figure out what he had said. And he couldn’t ask now. That was way too late for that. The man moved his hands all over Aarons back and pressed them together, holding him hard and close so he was close enough for kissing. Aaron felt the mans mouth on his praying it open. He opened his mouth just a little so he could breathe but the man took that as an invitation and deepened the kiss. The man had still not figured out that this was very much one-sided._

_About now Aarons mind caught up with him. What was he doing? Cheating on Robert? He could not do that, it didn’t matter that they got a divorce ages ago. Robert was still his husband. A husband that he loved very much. Also, his mind wasn’t satisfied with how the man treated him. They hadn’t exchanged a word about what was going to happen. Aaron understood that sex was implied but still this was not what he wanted at all. He tried to move his head away from the man so that he could speak but the man held a firm grip and didn’t seem to notice Aarons lack of response._

_By now Aaron had had enough and pushed the man away hard. “Stop it! Just stop it!”  
“What is wrong with you?” the man shouted back rubbing his back that got a hard hit from the dresser behind him.   
“Just stop it! I don’t want this!”   
“Then why the hell did you come back with me? Just leave! You are not worth it anyway!” _


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

"Tell me about him." They were sitting on Felix sofa watching the sunset. They had been quiet for a while just resting from a hard days work. Aaron didn't have to ask, he knew who Felix referred to.

"He was a lying, cheating and evil idiot. You know he staged his car breaking down just so he could talk to me and he ended up kissing me. To be honest I didn't like him very much in the beginning. Well, I mostly hated him. But he saved my life several times so...." Aarons shrugs. 

"What happened?" 

"I wasn't in a good place." He pulls up his sweater pointing at his arm. "Sepsis. And then there was the time when I was out running and I had an accident, I nearly froze to death. But he went out looking for me even then my mother hated him and tried to stop him."

"You really should try to be more careful Aaron." Felix put his hand at Aarons shoulder, squeezing it carefully. 

"And then there was the time when he proposed and we ended up underwater trapped in the car." 

Felix stared at him. "How is that even possible?"

"It is a long story, and I'm not just saying that. Honestly, it is a long story but you could sum it up with a lot of fog and just pure bad luck. We were lucky cause we got out of there alive, not everyone was so lucky." 

"But there was this other side too, that people didn't see and didn't understand. He would do anything to protect his family. Anything, and that is how he ended up where he is now."

"Just like you, you would also do anything for your family." 

"I would, but not to that extent any longer. I got Seb to take care of now. You know he cheated on me, that is how Seb came to the world. But I loved Seb, it was impossible not to. He is Roberts son, of course, I love him. He was struggling so much to be a father." Aarons looks out the window, they had gone through so much in the beginning when Seb had arrived. "And now he is not going to watch him grow up, he will be a young man when Robert is released." 

"He is a great boy you know, so curious and interested in pretty much everything. The other day he told me all about the stars and the moon and the planets." 

"He is great, yeah." Aaron smiled. "He is nothing like his fathers. You know, one time when we had broken up, again, I was with this other bloke and Robert got in his mind to help him sort my present out and this bloke misunderstood everything." Aaron pauses, looking at Felix. " I got tickets for The Rocky Horror Show." he continues, laughing. 

"That sounds so not like you!" 

"It's not. Robert gave me a Christmas sweater, a hoodie. A red one complete with a Santa beard and a belt. Put a smile on my face. We weren't even together and he still thought of getting me something."

"That does sound more like you." Felix smiles at him. 

"He could be so evil, hit at the weakest point and we had so many brawls. If I told you, you won't believe half of the stuff he said to me. But you know with Gordon, he came through so strong, he fought for me with everyone including my mother. I would have left for good if it hasn't been for him."

"I'm glad you are still here. Without you, I wouldn't be here and you know I just love it here. You and Emmerdale changed my life." 

Aaron just smiled at him not saying what he was thinking. You were the one who changes my life.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

Felix knew he had to try to get Aaron out of his 'mood'. He had been hiding away lately not wanting to interact with people. Sending Felix on callouts and handling any customers coming around. 

Felix let himself in and found Aaron on the sofa as expected. He was deep under the comforter and showed no sign of knowing that Felix was there. The TV was on but it was apparent that Aaron wasn't watching. 

"Aaron can you wake up for me?" he talks quietly to the lump on the sofa. No response, he leans forward and shake the lump. "Aaron you have to get up." The noise from the lump makes it clear that the answer is no. "I need your help, Aaron." Aaron moves slightly and Felix takes it as a positive sign. "Take a shower and come with me, please it is kind of urgent." 

"Fine." The answer is quiet but it is there. 

"So what do you need help with?" Aaron is still grumpy and it is obvious that he doesn't want to be there. 

"Well, first we eat," Felix says going straight to the cafe. 

"I can eat at home. And I'm not even hungry." 

"But you don't so we are going to eat in the cafe." 

Half an hour later they are both fed and Aarons mood seems to have improved a bit. They leave and Aaron follows as Felix walks away. After twenty minutes they still haven't arrived to where ever they are going. 

"So where are we going? We have been walking for ages."

"Well, the weather is nice, isn't it? Feel the warmth from the sun, listen to the birds, smell the flowers, you know."

"Smell the flowers? What is wrong with you?"

"Just humour me will you? I'll race you!" Felix runs up the hill and Aaron comes after shouting that he is cheating. 

"You are such a cheater!" 

"I can live with that!" He laughs and Aaron has to laugh too even then it's not remotely funny. 

"Let's go and get some work done" Felix grabs Aaron by his arm and drags him with him down the hill and back into the village. He stops outside the church and opens the door. 

"Afer you!" 

"Sorry?" Aaron had no idea of what is going on here. Why would they go to church it is not even a Sunday. 

"Harriet needed some help and I said we could do it."

"I'm not that good with church stuff you know."

"You are good with this." He pushes Aaron down in a chair at the table. He opens the boxes. 

"Just take this paper, fold it, put it in the envelope and take the preprinted label and put it there. Turn the envelope and use this licky thing so you can close the envelope."

"You got me out to do this? This is so boring, I'm going back home right now."

"No your not."

"You can't decide over me!" 

"No, you are right I can't but maybe you should give it a chance before dismissing it?"

Aaron slumps down in the chair. Felix had never argued like this with him before. He can't get why this is so important but if he wants him to do this, fine he can do it."

Two hours later he is laughing at Felix stories about his travels and all the things he'd been up to in London. 

"So we are done! Not too bad, was it? Ready for some food?"

"No, not too bad." He actually was hungry.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

_Even thou he wasn’t looking for a new boyfriend or sex for that matter he still hang around the same dating app as he had for years. It was nice to talk to other gay men and he had made some friends there and sometimes he made some new acquaintances. Patrick was a new acquaint and they had only spoken for a few months. It all started with a picture of a car and escalated from there. They had never gotten around to talk about what they did for a living, they mostly talked about everyday stuff and cars. It wasn’t until one night when Aaron frustrated asked about another word for 'satisfy' one night that Patrick answered that he knew a lot of word being a publisher and all._

_And of course, Aaron answered then you can publish my book. There was a lot of awkwardness on Aaron behalf before he actually sent his “book” to Patrick who got back to him and said that he actually would consider publishing it but that it needed some work before that. From there it kind of escalated. He didn’t write under his real name, of course._

_He got the sales numbers sent to him regularly, and he did notice that his book sold. Then it got turned into an eBook and some influencer got his hand on it and then suddenly he got a phone call saying he won a price. He was so relieved when he understood that he didn’t actually have to show up and accept it._

_Patrick just sent it over and as things progressed even further Liv starting bugging him about getting addicted to internet shopping. Along with all this also came the problem with trying to hide the stuff away at home. He kept the first award he got thou. Put it in a box together with the book and added the new books whenever he had written a new one. He put some old Christmas cards and stuff over it and hid it in his wardrobe. The rest of the stuff he put in his car and left it at Patrick's company. It had broadened quite a bit since then._


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

Aaron got the call around lunch. He made sure Felix wasn’t around to eavesdrop, he knew what the call was about. And he would lie if said he wasn’t excited about it. 

“I will send it over tomorrow. Looks good.”

“Thanks!” he smiled a genuine smile as he answered. 

“We also need to see you here soon, sign some papers and so on.”

“That is one way of putting it. ‘Sign some papers’, easy for you to say. It is not your hand that is about to fall off after a few hours.” he was laughing now. They had had this conversation every time a new book was on its way. It was like a routine between the two men. 

“Well, it does give a lot of money!“

“I know, I know, I’m not really complaining you know.”

“Yea, I know. You are a good kid Aaron!”

“Kid! You know I’m not that much younger than you!”

Patrick was laughing on the other end of the line.

“This is your eighth book! And your popularity just keeps going. We will send out the press release tomorrow and we will be swarmed in requests to interview you.”

“I know, but I really can’t. What will happen to Robert if they found out that his husband is writing gay erotic novels? I can’t risk that.”

“I know Aaron, I know and I will not ever force you to come public. You know this, calm down.”

“Robert is always my first priority!”

“We have already had this conversation. It is not a problem. You probably sell more just because no one knows who you are. You know there are so many rumours going on about who you are and they love it. And trust me, they are not even close.”

“I have to go, Felix is heading back here now, we are having lunch.”

“I send that copy tomorrow, talk to you later.”

“Patrick! Make that two copies!”

“Not a problem”

“Ready for lunch, my dear boss?” Felix smiled at Aaron as he entered the portacabin.  
“Always ready and today lunch is on me!”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

One strange thing about Felix is that he keeps his front door open all the time. Not just unlooked but actually open. ‘My door is always open’ he says when Aaron asks him about it. Sometimes Aaron can hear him move around upstairs, singing and he can smell the cooking and the baking. Because of course Felix can both cook and bake and very well too. It makes him feel less lonely. The thing is that the open-door thing makes Aaron feel welcome all the time. Is the door closed he knows that Felix are out or in bed or otherwise occupied but most of the time it is open and Aaron wanders the stairs and hovers in the doorway until Felix notice him and ask him to come in. 

This particularly day Felix sits in the sofa reading when Aaron comes upstairs. Felix pats the spot besides him with out a word. It is only as Aaron sits down he discovers that Felix is reading his book. As Felix continues reading his hand reach out to Aarons shoulder starting to make smooth circles with his thumb. A few minutes later he put the book together and gives Aaron all his attention. 

“What is going on?”

“Nothing much, you know… “ Aaron drags his words since he has no idea of how to put words to his feelings. That longing feeling that won’t go away, the restlessness in his body that makes him unable to focus at anything. He can still feel Felix fingers at his shoulders, it helps him keep calm and feeling less jitters, it relaxes him in a way that nothing else does nowadays. 

“Want to talk about it?”

“No not really, I don’t know what to say anyway.”

“Just say anything that is on your mind.” 

“Why do you read gay erotic novels?” Aaron can feel how Felix stills his hand, oh no, he is sure he has upset Felix. Crossed a line. Aaron is still not sure about Felix sexuality and before he can stop himself, he blurts out “You are not gay, are you?” 

“You don’t have to be gay to read this book you know.” 

“I” Aaron hesitates and looks down, he doesn´t know what to say. When he wrote the book it was from a gay man’s view with the gay audience in mind. That a supposedly straight man would voluntarily read his book had never occurred to him. 

“I’m not mad or anything.” Felix says and moves in closer. Their arms and legs are touching now. Is Felix coming on to him? “We talked about this before you know, there isn’t anything else to it. I like the surroundings and the characters, there is a nice feeling in the books you know. Something I missed in my own life. And I do feel that my sexuality is just for me, everyone else can mind their own business but Aaron if you want to know all you have to do is ask.” 

“I do want to know.” he is not sure Felix can hear him and he can feel how he moves away. He misses the warm feeling of another human being so close. When he glances over Felix is sitting with his legs crossed his body facing Aarons. He touches Aarons knee to make him mimic his position. 

“Look, I don’t have a label ready for you here. Most of the time people don’t ask for one. Most of the time people just assume you are straight. It is all about how people have to categorise people cause it makes it easier to live like that. You categorise people all the time without thinking of it. You meet someone in the street and it is a girl or a boy or a man or a woman. You don’t stop to consider if the girl herself feels like she is a girl. It is the same with sexuality. People assume I’m straight and I have never told them anything else.”

“But you’re not?” Aaron are not sure of what Felix is trying to tell him. 

“I don’t know. There is a huge world of ‘labels’ out there and I don’t know half of them. Maybe somewhere there is a label that fit me perfect but I don’t feel the need to go into that search and I’m not unhappy with being thought of being straight and I’m not unhappy with calling my self straight. I just think of it like a way of thinking, I do believe anyone can fall in love in the same sex if they just let them self and I believe I can to, I just haven’t found that man yet. So far it has all been women.”

“So you are bi or pan?”

“Maybe, as I said, it is not that important to me. I get that it is important to other people, probably most people would say that is very important to them, but I don’t know. I just go where my feelings go.” 

“So, you have feelings for someone?” Aaron perked up. He had never heard Felix talk about meeting anyone since he moved to Emmerdale.” 

“I have feelings for food, hungry?”

“I could eat.” Aaron drops his question as he can feel Felix avoiding to answer. He is not sure he wants to know the answer anyway.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

"What are you doing?” Aaron is watching Felix who is standing at the bridge with a book in his hand looking at the surroundings and then down in the book again. 

"Had to check something.” he answeres looking up and down several times. 

"Are you birdwatching?” That would be something that Felix could be doing, being all about nature and stuff. Last winter he had put up a huge bird table in the garden. Educated Aaron and Liv and Seb that under no circumstances were they allowed to give bread to the birds and then he spent a huge amount of money at food and spent all winter watching them eat and writing down a list of the different kinds of bird he saw.

"Not this time.” Felix smiles at him. “Look!” He holds up a book, one of Aarons books. Of course, it was one of Aarons books, it was like he never went anywhere without one. Aaron knew he had read every book several times so he didn’t get the sudden importance of bringing them with him everywhere he went. 

"Just got thinking. You know how I said that Emmerdale felt like coming home and like I had been here before?” Aaron nodded not happy with where this was going. “So I read the first book again and there was some stuff that could be Emmerdale, just two or three things like the cricket pavilion. So I read all of them and in every book there was something and in the last book, there were maybe five things. Can it really be a coincidence? Maybe the writer has been here or lives around here? And I got this crazy idea..” Felix stopped talking. Aaron looked at him. What was he getting at? He had hit a little to close to home with this one, how had he gotten so careless? If Felix could figure it out anyone could. “I don’t know if I should tell you.”

"Tell me what? What are you implying here?” Aaron could feel his anger race and knew that it was not as much anger as anxiety but his voice still sounded mostly angry.

"Maybe it’s Robert?” 

"Maybe it’s Robert what?” Aaron had lost him now. 

"Maybe it’s Robert who is the writer?” Felix said carefully then rushing to say “That would explain why some stuff differ, he hasn’t been here for so many years.” 

Aaron couldn’t help himself but he started laughing, he had to hold on to the bridge to keep his balance. It took him what felt forever to calm down enough to be able to talk. “Robert? That is crazy, I know you never met him but trust me, it is not Robert!"

Felix looked kind of relieved to that statement and just said: “I have to keep on looking then.” 

"You do that, you do that,” Aaron answered with a feeling of things starting to get out of hands.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

They had been spending more time together than ever before. Aaron wasn’t sure about how that happened but he was in a really good place until he wasn’t. 

Why was he spending so much time with Felix? He started to list everything they had done, they went away to that concert and stayed overnight, they watched so many movies and cooked together like every other day and the rest of the time they went to the pub or some restaurant in Hotten. They went to the pictures twice and had coffee several times. He remembered having made a joke about paying Felix to much since he insisted on paying. He had just shrugged and told him how much he had earned when he sold his place in London. Then he had been convinced to take time off work so they could go to Ireland and watch football. One weekend Felix had surprised him by taking him to a place where you could try out really fast cars. 

Most of the things they had been doing had been on Felix initiative. Did that mean that Felix was trying to date him? They still had some plans for the week to come too. What would he do if Felix actually felt something for him? He liked Felix a lot as a friend but after spending so much time with him he started to doubt his feelings, was Felix more to him than a friend?

He figured that if he asked Felix about it in a way that made it sound like a joke it would be easier to laugh it off if he had read to much into it. Maybe Felix didn't see it like this at all?

"So you like me that much you have to spend time with me after work too?" Aaron asked with a tone that he hoped sounded like he was just kidding. He wasn't prepared to Felix reaction, who got tensed and looked away taking a deep breath before he looked Aaron straight in the eyes. 

"So you noticed, did you?"

"We have spent pretty much all the time together for the last month except for sleeping and in Irland, we even shared a room so then there was the sleeping too. So yes, I have noticed. What is going on?"

“I was trying to make you busy.”

“I’m plenty busy with work you know.”

“Not that kind of busy, the funny busy.” 

“But why?”

“How do you mean?” Felix looked perplexed.

“Why the sudden need to keep me occupied?”

“It’s that time of the year isn’t it?” he looked away talking with just a whisper so Aaron nearly missed his answer. 

“What ti...” Then he realises, that time of the year when Robert went to prison. That time of year. That time of year when he just wants to stay in bed and hide and never wake up. But now he had forgotten, forgotten about Robert. He is going to faint for sure, he is clammy all over and his breathing is acting up. He can hear Felix calling for him as he walks away, it is more like a wobbly walking but he manages to leave and he has just one goal.

Felix finds him still in bed a day later. Felix climbs up next to him, resting against the headboard. All Aaron can think of is that he is probably smelling by now being under the comforter for over 24 hours. 

“This was what I was trying to avoid you know. You crashing as you have been every year as long as I have known you.”

“Sorry.”

“No, no don’t say sorry. Just tell me what I can do. Trying to distract you and keep you busy apparently wasn’t the right answer.” 

“I had a great time I promise, I hadn’t felt that good in a long time. It is not really about Robert.” He pulls his comforter over his head. Being honest sucks. 

“No? Then why are you hiding away?”

Hiding under a comforter isn’t that comfortable. He just gives up and pushes the comforter away. Sits up. Looks straight at Felix. 

“I realised that it felt like we were in a relationship.” He watches Felix taking in what he said and he has no poker face when he realises what Aaron told him. His eyes go wide.

“I’m sorry!”

“Why are you sorry? I’m the one that should be sorry, feeling like that about you. It is not what you wanted.” 

“What I wanted was to make you feel good. And I don’t think you really want to be in a relationship with me. I think you liked what it felt like.” 

“That makes it sound even worse. Like I used you.”

“You were supposed to. You were supposed to use me to feel better." He smiles at Aaron, just a small smile but still so genuine. 

“I guess you succeeded then,” Aaron answers smiling as he moves closer for snuggle despite his need of a shower.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

Robert going to prison month' came and went and everything turned back to normal. Everything takes a turn when Brenda opens her big mouth. Brenda was maybe the most nosy person in the village and she was also kind of harsh in her opinions. Aaron knew that his family probably was on top of the list when it came to gossip but knowing about it and hearing about it are two different things. 

It was obvious that Brenda hadn't noticed Aaron and Felix coming into the cafe as she talked to Jimmy. 

"Should throw away the key, should they. He's got a problem with his temper, doesn't he? Who knows who he is going to kill next time!"

Jimmy tried to make himself heard but Brenda was oblivious to his interactions and continued talking as she made his coffee. 

"And that poor woman, he is probably going to kill her too. Have you heard what he did to her and that poor son of hers? May he rest in peace. And what Aaron did to the other son? They got it out for the whole family just cause Victoria got her self in trouble. But if he got any sense he won't come back here!" 

"Brenda please, we all know Robert, he is not a murderer."

"So how did that poor man end up dead then? He didn't accidentally throw a shovel in his own head, did he? An eye for an eye that's all I am saying." 

Aaron and Felix had stood still and listened to everything being said. Aaron was fuming by now but he still hadn't raised his voice eager to find out what else Brenda would have to say about Robert. 

By now Jimmy had grabbed his coffee and shoved some money at the counter retreating backwards to safety. 

"He is not welcome here that’s for sure, I won’t serve him!" she yelled after Jimmy who was on his way through the door by now. 

"Your evil cow!" Aaron couldn't keep quiet any longer. "You can't keep your gob shut, can you? Always stirring in things that are none of your business!" 

"It is my business who I serve." 

"If that is how you want it. I'm taking you to Dingelcourt! Good luck with running your business without any Dingels buying from you."


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

He had sneaked out of the house early in the morning just as David got his first deliveries for the day. “Not open yet mate,” David said yawning as he spotted Aaron in the door. 

"I know, but it is kind of an emergency!” 

"Just be fast, don’t let anyone see you! Then people would show up at all times.” 

A few minutes later David looked at the stuff at the counter. “Didn’t you say it was an emergency?” 

"It is!” He answered adding a birthday card to the wrapping paper and tape. “It’s Felix birthday.” 

"If you say so. Wouldn’t call that an emergency me.” 

"He has to put up with me, doesn’t he? He deserves a nice birthday.”

"You do pay him for that don’t you?”

"Not that much!” Aaron answered laughing. 

Back at the house, he wrapped the gift. Went over to Marlon for the preordered breakfast and waited. 

"Nice, nice! You have improved your cooking skills!” Felix was very appreciative of the food. “Don’t forget to thank Marlon” he smiled at Aaron. 

"Nothing gets past you does it?”

"Well, no fire alarm went off this morning so…. Just kidding. I know you can cook you won't just admit it.” 

"I guess I do have something else to admit to.” Aaron hands Felix the gift he has wrapped. 

"I don’t believe it! How did you get your hands on this one, it’s not even released yet. This is amazing.” Felix whole face is lightning up when he realises what he just got. 

"You think so? Look inside.” This is the moment he has been waiting for. It can be very good or go bad so fast if Felix thinks that Aaron has been lying to him. What kind of friend would keep such a secret? 

Felix opens the book and reads “To Felix, with love, Bert Black.” 

"You even got it signed? How did you manage that? He has never been public.” Aaron has never seen Felix that excited about anything. Usually, he is very together, calm and thoughtful. 

"It wasn’t that difficult, I just talked to my publisher, asked him to send a copy, signed it and wrapped it, the wrapping part was the hard part.” He tried to sound confident even then he just wanted to run away. 

Felix sat down, staring at Aaron. Opening his mouth and closing it. His fingertips moved over the cover of the book like he was trying to read braille. 

"Don't you like it?” Aaron asked hesitantly. “I thought you would like it.” He couldn’t read Felix reaction. Had he misread everything?

"I love it! Thank you! Of course, I love it. I can't believe you are you. This is so embarrassing. I just went on and on about the books and I even thought it was Roberts doing.” 

"You did kind of scared me there. Figured you were trying to expose me.” 

"Wouldn't do that would I, but I have to go now.” Felix stood up.

"Are you sure we are fine?”

"We are totally fine! Got a book to read don’t I?” Felix said with a smile and hugged Aaron.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

”We are going to have so much fun!” Felix is like an overexcited puppy. Luckily he slept on the plane but he couldn’t keep quiet in the cab and Aaron was sure the driver was laughing at him. 

“Wouldn’t call it fun, sitting in an office signing books all day. It will be even less fun for you. Why don’t you just do London? Meet up with some friends or something?”

“I already know London, there is a reason why I moved away you know. Don’t have any friends to hang out with any more either. This is going to be so amazing. Can I take photos?”

“Photos of what?” Aaron looked at him confused. 

“Of the awards and prizes of course.”

“Have to ask Patrick and definitively no social media. I mean it!"

“I don’t do social media do I. Been there done that and so on.”

An hour later Felix stood amazed in front of Aarons shelves with prizes and awards. Huge pictures of the covers of his books hang at the wall. On top of every cover was a display showing how many books had been sold. It was rather many, even Aaron had to admit that, who would have figured?

Felix and Patrick hit it off well and left Aaron with stacks of books for him to sign as they talked about the books and whatever stuff they had in common. But to Felix credit, he did show up after a little more than an hour and kept Aaron company and helped him move around the books.

It was late when they got to the hotel. Patrick had wanted to go out for food and drinks to celebrate Aarons new book and they had had a great time. A woman with two small children stood in front of them talking to the woman working in the reception when they came in. 

“What am I going to do then? It is in the middle of the night.” The woman was nearly in tears.

“I am sorry but the room turns unbooked at eight if you haven’t let us know you will check in later.”

“No one told me this and even if I had known I had no way of contacting you. I was on a plane.”

“I'm really sorry, we are fully booked and so are most of the hotel around here. Maybe there are some suites available. I could phone around for you.”

“There is no way I can afford that.” The woman was actually crying now.

“You can have my room.” All of them turned to look at Felix. “We can share.” He said and pointed at Aaron.

“We can?”

“You can?”

“Yes, we can. It is not a problem is it Aaron?” Felix answered with a voice that left no room for arguments. Not that Aaron would have said no anyway and put that poor woman and her kids in the streets. 

“No, no of course not,” he answered even then he could imagine a few problems. 

“Thank you so much. I don’t know how to thank you. Thank you!”

When Aaron opened the door, he found a problem immediately. “That is a singles bed!” he looked accusingly at Felix.

“It has to make do if you don’t want to take turns?”

“No! You take turn, you gave your room away.”

“Aaron, there was no way I would let that mother out in the streets when I could prevent it. Grow up. What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing, nothing, I’m just tired.”

Aaron woke up wrapped around Felix. See, he knew there would be a problem. But that was not the only problem, of course not, Aaron was hard and he had that part of his body firmly pressed against Felix thigh. That was most definitely a problem. He tried to wriggle back but Felix holds on tight with his arm. So another problem then. Aaron had been sleeping at Felix arm. How could this get any worse?

“Stop moving around Aaron.”

Yes, there was that. Felix was awake and it wouldn’t be long before he found out. Aaron could feel him self starting to panic. How could he get out of this?

“I need the bog.” 

“Calm down, breath.” Felix moved his arm just a bit so Aaron could move back. “It is just bodies you know. They react cause they are close to each other. It doesn’t really mean anything.”

“This so embarrassing” Aaron groaned.

“I get that, but you are not scaring me away here. I’m still your friend.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

"Where did Aaron go?" The music was blasting at the pub. Another year had come and gone and now they were waiting for the next one to arrive. Was the celebrating about what had been or about what was to come? Felix had no idea and had other stuff on his mind, like where had Aaron gone? 

"I don't know love, he is not good with crowds is he?" Charity was busy behind the bar. It felt like more than half the village had turned up this year and they all wanted to drink. 

"I'll go looking for him." He got his jacket from the backroom and went out in the cold. It took him over half an hour to find him. He heard his voice first, talking, but to who? He couldn't hear any answers and it sounded like a real conversation, not just someone talking to themself. The cemetery was dark but the light from the phone illuminated Aarons face as he was talking on his phone in front of Jackson's gravestone. When he discovers Felix approaching him he opens his arm and hugs him tightly. He ends the phonecall and hugs him with both arms. "Adam." he says simply. "I miss him so much. But at least I can tell him Happy New Year." 

"I know you do. Any luck with Robert?" 

"No, he still won't accept my calls. I love him and I can't even tell him Happy New Year. Everyone thinks I should give up but I love him. I'm never giving up on Robert."

Felix takes his hand as they leave the cemetery. "I'm here to hold your hand in the meanwhile."


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will notice English isn't my native language. I hope you will be patient with me.  
> I have written about stuff that I have no personal experience from.  
> I have absolutely no intention to offend anyone.

They had known each other for years by now. Felix was a constant in Aarons life and Aaron couldn't imagine his life without him. 'You are like an old married couple' his mother would say when she saw them together having Sunday lunch at the pub. 

By now Felix knew him by heart and it was apparent that something was bothering Aaron and had been for some time now. He had been patient and been hoping that this was the time when Aaron actually would come to him. But so far Aaron hadn't shown any interest in talking to him, Felix was pretty sure what the issue was all about and it became more and more urgent to address it. 

Felix had decided that it was time for a conversation and he was convinced he would find Aaron by the bridge. He had taken the path down to the bridge several times over the years and knew it by heart. He could probably do the walk blindfolded but decided against it since he was a sensible man that liked to have both his nose and teeth in place. 

He put his arm over Aarons shoulders, gave him a strong one-armed hug and simply said: "Talk to me." 

Aaron leaned against him and put his arm around Felix waist for stability. They stood like that, quiet, Felix listened to how Aarons breathing changed getting more and more shallow, Felix was just about to speak up when Aaron moved in for a hug and snuggled close to his neck with his tears streaming down his cheeks. When his breathing aloud him to talk again a whispered: "I don't know him any longer." 

"I know you don´t." He holds him even harder trying to remove all the anxiety that makes Aaron tremble in his arms. 

"And he doesn't know me. I'm not the same as when he left. He doesn't know Seb or Liv, he doesn't know anyone. What if he changes his mind! What if he isn't coming back?" 

"Aaron!" Felix took a step back and put his hands at Aarons shoulders. "Listen to me! He wrote to you, he asked you if there was a place for him here and you wrote back to him and you said yes. He knows you want him back and he wants to be here. All you can do is to be there for him. That is what you want, right? You want him back in your life?" 

"Yes! Of course, I do! How can you even ask? I have been waiting for him and you know that!" Aaron yelled agitated. 

"You have the right to change your mind. You know that right? You have no obligations to him. Except for Seb." 

"Of course I want him back. I love him." Aaron whispered. 

"Then I will be here for you for as long as you need." 

He grabbed Aarons hand, hold on tight and led him back to the house where Robert would be back in three weeks.


	25. Chapter 25

_Felix … Felix is a male_  
_given name that means_  
_“happy” or “lucky”_


End file.
